Description

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"Push me into the street and leave me. I'm no good to anyone anymore." A moment of clarity broke through the fog of Tom's dementia. What did that mean?

Tom was aware of what was happening to him. It was strange that he could be lucid one moment and delusional the next. Had the doctors missed some detail in his diagnosis?

Tom's instant changes in behavior made Ruby's questions all the more relevant. Why is the medical community devoid of answers concerning dementia? Why has there not been a 'Moon Shot' project launched to find a cure? Why does it take an autopsy to get detailed answers?

These are the questions that inspired Ruby's memoir. In a cathartic exercise, she lays out her experiences in dealing with Tom's dementia, his other health problems, and the frustratingly lack of assistance from medical professionals. She describes her interaction with the medical community, some dementia related, some not, as she searched for answers and often came up short.

Tom and Ruby's story, "The Journey of a Life", begins happily enough. They were both serving in the U.S. Air Force when they met. Ruby describes the path she chose that led her to Charleston Air Force Base, S.C., and the chance meeting with Tom that set them on their journey together. Overcoming a disastrous first date-that ended in the ER-was not the perfect start, but eventually they got engaged. Pressured by the Air Force, they moved up their wedding date. As a dual-military couple, their future was full of sunny possibilities. Nothing life threw at them would ever disrupt their happiness. They were blissfully unaware of how fate, and "Uncle Sam" would intervene, and of the multiple health crises that awaited them in the future. Ruby's military service taught her a lesson she would be forced to use often-never give up.

Ruby shares the notes from a diary she kept during her husband's illness that illustrate the daily chaos and what it's like to live with dementia. Some incidents are very personal and hard to revisit, but sharing them is necessary to show the pervasiveness of the disease. Its cruelty and unpredictability may shock some readers. Unless they are intimately involved with the care of a dementia patient, they may be surprised by how little they know about the disease.

In her memoir, Ruby describes the 'normal life' she and Tom built together, and its upheaval once dementia took control. Recording their journey on paper, in total-both the happy years and the sad-is Ruby's refusal to let dementia have the final say and reduce their life together down to only the chaotic ending. By pulling all the details together into one narrative, she seeks to make sense of the confusion and her feelings of failure during and after Tom's illness. Her story highlights the lack of answers from medical professionals, the urgent need for a cure, or at the very least, a treatment plan that can help caregivers manage the disease. Ruby's account will show caregivers, who agonize over the decisions they make for loved ones who cannot make decisions for themselves, that they are not alone in their uncertainty and confusion.

All proceeds from sales will be donated to the Alzheimer's Assoc and the Dementia Society of America.